Michael Williams pens a most
excellent response to the current 'pre-marital sex is virtuous' concept which is sweeping the blogosphere.
This idea postulates that is is unwise to marry someone prior to engaging in sexual intercourse with them. The reason for this is two-fold. First, it exposes if you are sexually compatible with each other. Second, it allows one to get to know their partner in a very intimate manner. Thus, pre-marital sex is virtuous because it should help lead to more successful marriages and reduce the number of mismatched couples.
Mr. Williams response is wise and sensible:
I find it very easy to learn a great deal about women without having sex with them, or even "dating" them. I'm not particularly fond of the whole modern concept of "dating", for a whole host of reasons. To keep it short: I don't think it's possible to build a healthy relationship on romantic emotions. The foundation of dating is romance, and as most of us are probably aware it's quite easy to become attracted to someone we wouldn't particularly care to be friends with. Physical and emotional lust are powerful forces, and we're often eager to be tricked into thinking we actually love someone when it's all just emotional smoke and mirrors.
I do believe he is on to something here:
Dating and sex obscure and confuse the real issues involved with finding a mate in ways that "mere" friendship doesn't. Dating and sex lead to jealousy, lust, pride, selfishness, materialism, conflict, impatience, manipulation, cruelty, resentment, and uncountable other complications. Friendship has its pitfalls as well, but is generally much freer from such distractions.
Friendship allows me to see a woman for who she truly is, when she's not trying to impress anyone; friendship lets me be myself without needing to make an artificially-sculpted good impression. Dating, on the other hand, is all about creating a pretty show, complete with scripted dialogue and special effects. You tell me which is more conducive to really getting to know someone.
This completely deals with the second reason in favor of pre-martial sex.
The first reason is pretty silly, in my opinion. Sexual compatibility? If the guy has his gender appropriate components, and the girl has her gender appropriate components, then they are compatible.
It is not good sex that builds a great relationship but rather a good relationship that builds great sex.
