July 16, 2004
A few days ago, The Jack and I were discussing the non-standard physiological response we have to certain stories and posts, such as my eulogy in Frodo's Last Day. Being engineers, we have developed a hypothesis which we believe provides a scientific and credible explanation to this relatively rare and somewhat inexplicable phenomenon.

Most computer monitors are of the CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) variety. The CRT has a special 'gun' which continually fires electrons (sub-atomic particles) at your head. Fortunately, the coated glass screen seems to intercept most of these negatively charged particles. The computer's graphics card tells the monitor what the screen should look like, and the electron gun 'shoots' it into existence.

Every physics student knows that electrons have a negative charge. As they collide with the front of the tube, they impart this same charge to the glass. This has relatively little effect on larger items within the room: people, furniture and pets. However, for small specks of positively-charged dust, it is as if the deathstar just turned on its tractor beam; as if the bug zapper turned on its blue light; as if the pretty girl in the bikini just winked in your general direction. This is why there is always a layer of dust on the monitor screen.

However, in very rare instances, certain combinations of words and images create what we term the "double-negative flux reversal". It has to do with an abnormal imbalance of electrons on the glass. A perfectly even number of negative charges all work together to cancel each other out and for a few brief moments, the glass becomes positively charged.

This insignificant quantum event would not be noticed at all if not for the dust factor. The now positive charge on the monitor repels all the positively charged dust particles, launching them back into the room. Most often, some of these strike the eyes of the computer user, causing the natural cleansing action of the tear ducts to spring into action. Some of this dust may also fail to be of the hypoallergenic variety and can cause moisture to emerge from the nasal passages.

I believe that understanding the true causes behind this "watering effect" can help reduce embarrassment and anxiety for readers of such posts, especially among those of the male persuasion.

Unless you are one of those people using a modern LCD display. You are on your own.

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