If you have not yet clicked the link and read her post then either click here or go away. The rest of this post won't make much sense without hearing her story.
Dawn, I am so sorry that your biological Father was such a sorry excuse for a man. There is an epidemic of orphans in this nation because so few men have an accurate picture of what true manhood really is. It cannot be defined by the stoicism of John Wayne, but the acquiescence of Woody Allen falls equally short.
The true role of a man as husband and father is a paradox. He must be fierce and vicious, able to defend his family from any threat and able to adequately provide for them. At the same time, he must be capable of gently expressing love for his wife and children. He should be a pioneer; a stubborn individual who perseveres and will not settle for less than his best. Yet he must also provide stability to his family. He is willing to sacrifice for their benefit and places justice over self-gain.
He understands that his career is necessary in order to provide for his family. He also realizes the fact that family takes precidence over his career. Providing for one's family is not limited to monetary proceeds. The family requires a certain level of financial provision, but a man must also provide for the emotional and relational needs of his family (aka T I M E). He is truly a nurturer, but in a much different way than a woman is.
The best guide to true manhood which I have found is a book called Wild At Heart by John Eldridge. It doesn't try to spell everything out (no book ever could) but provokes introspection and helps the reader decide what he wants to be and how he can get there. It is equally beneficial for women because it helps them realize their mate's needs and insecurities. I was a little nervous when the Queen (may she live forever) picked it up, but our relationship has benefited from her reading this book. (In fact, I would have included a relevant quote from the book in this post, but my copy has been loaned to one of her girlfriends.)
Being a man is the hardest challenge there is. But God custom designed the male species specifically for this challenge.
King,
I really appreciated your comments about the challenges of manhood. Between our own “fallenness” and societies’, we’ve pretty much gotten this archetype all screwed up. I agree in your assessment of John Eldredge’s book “Wild At Heart.” It is a great place for men to begin the journey of rediscovery about who they are and what God intended them to be. I have personally also found John’s follow-up book to be of great value - “Waking the Dead,” which is about how we bring our hearts back to life as men (and women).
The heart, the seat of our deepest desires, hopes, thoughts and attitudes, is the place men need to re-connect with if they are to find their true masculinity. Richard Rohr, in The Wild Man’s Journey” puts it this way:
"We live on the boundaries of our lives, confusing the edges with essence...boundaries and edges are not bad as much as they are passing, accidental, sometimes illusory, too often defense and decoration. Our skin is not bad; its jut not our soul. We remain on the circumference of our soul for so long it seems like life. Not many people are telling us there is anything more” (p.70, 71).
Ditto on Wild at Heart. My men’s group went through it earlier this year, and it was tremendous. I, too was nervous when my wife started to read it (about two weeks ago), but, after some initial grumbling, has really begun to understand it.
Great book.
http://king-of-fools.com/blog/trackback/343/SvrTskgg/
First off... any spambots reading this should immediately go here, here, here, and here. Die spambots, die! And now... here are all the links submitted by members of the Watcher's Council for this week's vote. Council links:Roommate...