Defining the objectification of women is fairly simple. Case in point: I was sitting in the airport earlier this week and a sweet young thing caught my eye. She had a pretty face and very pleasant curves. Then I noticed that I could see leg. Lots of leg. Lots of shaply, toned, tan leg. I sincerely hope she received a serious discount on her mini-skirt because it was definitely fabric-impaired. At this point, I pulled out my book and focused on Victor Davis Hanson instead.
It isn't that I don't appreciate the female form. Au contraire: I spend far too much time each day watching my lovely wife move around the house. (I work from home, so the poor thing has to cope with my gawking all day long.) It doesn't matter if she is doing laundry, cooking, playing a game with the kids or lying on the couch, exhausted. She is incredibly sexy all the time. Her attire may be tight or baggy, yet I still indulge my eyes with her form at every opportunity.
What is the difference? Relationship. The message I was receiving from the young lady in the airport was "Look at me; Imagine how soft I would feel next to you; Let your mind investigate my body..." I'm not saying this was the message she was trying to send; she very well may have been trying to explain how up to date with the latest fashions she is. Perhaps she simply failed to notice that her skirt shrunk in the wash. (Note: If I were female and possessed my current understanding of the male mind, I would always dress very conservatively.)
If I have no relationship with this woman, and no hope (or time) for a relationship, then to imagine myself with her would be using her to gain momentary pleasure for myself without any benefit to her. She becomes an object. An object of fantasy; an object of desire; an object of selfish pleasure. Contrast that with my attitude toward my lovely Queen (May She Live Forever). Both she and I daily serve each other. There is no exploitation (or objectification) in our desire for one another because it is the natural result of our relationship.
It is not just men doing the objectifying either. Forget Little Miss Hooter...what about Big Miss Hooter? Does she not play her own appearance off the hormones of her customers? Couple the skimpy outfit with a little value-added flirting and watch the tips increase. The guy is reduced to an object whose lusts can be played en route to his wallet. Both parties are using each other to meet their own desires.
And it's not just a sexual thing...all of us ignore the personhood of those around us on a regular basis. The checker at the grocery store is an object whose purpose is to scan our groceries and load them into bags (and woe be to them if they are slow or make a mistake when we are in a hurry). The waitress at the restaurant is an object whose purpose is to make sure our needs are met as we seek to aleive our hunger. It is so easy to disregard the fact that each individual around us, no matter how insignificant they may seem in our own eyes, is a person with thoughts, ideas and feelings.
So how do we improve? Do we even want to improve? I know I do. I think we start by making a distinction between how we treat objects and how we treat people. Objects truly are our slaves. The tube of toothpaste in my bathroom is my servant. It provides polishing agents and minty fresh breath at my every whim (and squeeze). Objects are things we interact with.
People are different. People are beings that we relate to. They may be filling a role where they serve us temporarily, but they are never our slaves. It would seem that treating people as persons would be normal, but my observations seem to indicate that we afford respect on the basis of relationship. Thus it is so easy to objectify the people around us that we do not know. Sometimes we are guilty of doing the same to the people that we do know.
Granted, we are not capable of maintaining a relationship with everyone. In a public location like a baseball game or an airport, trying to consider each individual around us as a person can be mind blowing. I know that God can fathom the thoughts and mind and will of all of humanity at once. He truly recognizes the personhood and value of each individual. ("The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." II Peter 3:9) And me? I'm merely the King of Fools. I often fail at even valuing my wife and kids as I should.
Still, I am convinced that even a meager effort can make a big difference. Start by acknowledging that the other drivers on the road are people who actually have destinations, instead of imbeciles who's sole purpose is to impede your own progress. Be gracious to your waiter/waitress and add "please" and "thank you" to your restaurant vocabulary. I think you might be surprised at how much your service improves. Perhaps that is partly due to the fact that when we treat those around us as people, we ourselves become less object-like in their eyes.
Great post - I’m beginning a sermon series on relationships this Sunday and may share some excerpts from your post. The bottom line on this is that every person we meet is an image bearer and must be treated accordingly.
When driving I have to de-objectify people so I won’t go into road rage (even Christians rage behind the wheel!). Long ago someone told me to say a pray for the person as they cut you off or blow at you or curse you. What also helps is to imagine that person to be someone I love, particularly my mother, and think about how I’d feel if someone cursed or yelled or blew at her.
It also helps to imagine meeting that person later that day face to face by accident. I’d feel terrible for raging against someone and meeting them later, only to find out how nice they are.
I just try to assume that their mother is in the hospital and they are in a distressed state and trying to get there quickly.
I Peter 4:10 talks about “faithfully administering God’s grace”. Instead of administering judgement (natural reaction), I make an effort to administer grace instead.
(It actually gets kind of fun if you work at it...coming up with extremely far fetched reasons why the offender is being offensive.)
I was following you until I got to the sentence that ends with, “fabric-impaired” then for some reason my mind drifted off on a tangent…
What was it you were saying?
-jdm
http://king-of-fools.com/blog/trackback/808/GgdaAlzm/
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