Probably the fourth or fifth most exciting thing about moving to a new part of town is getting your new phone number assigned. You might not suspect it at the time, but your phone number will play significant role determining the course of your entire life. Well, your life spent on the phone at least.

A new phone number is like food at a shady mexican restaurant: you don't know how its been used or what its been used for, and even though you had nothing to do with it, sooner or later you have to deal with the consequences:

Somebody didn't like paying their bills? You get to answer their creditors, all the while starting your own investigation as to this bum's current whereabouts. It used to be a fax line? After sustaining 17% hearing loss in your right ear, you learn to hold the receiver at least 5 feet away when answering. But, what if your phone number is incorrectly listed in an online directory under "Oklahoma Blue Cross/Blue Shield?" You just got a new job as a secretary for a large medical insurance firm. The position is, of course, uncompensated.

The latter has been my life for the past few weeks. I've been nice to the callers, pleasantly redirecting them to the correct number. This is, of course, completely contrary my nature. So, for my own enjoyment here are some possible resonponses that are less helpful, but more amusing (to me.)

"Hello Blue Cross Blue Shield?"

"Yeah, but not for much longer, we're totally going out of business. My boss told me not to tell anybody but..shoot here he comes *click*"

"Hello Blue Cross Blue Shield?"

"Oh, yeah, you mean Blue CRESCENT Blue Shield? Yeah we just got bought by Dubai Ports World. Don't worry, they require full coverage for women."

"Hello Blue Cross Blue Shield?"

"Yes, please hold...."

"Hi, this is [Steve], I need to check if I'm covered for [minor procedure.]"

"Hold on while I pull up your records [Steve.] Okaaay, yeah looks like you're covered for [minor procedure] but not the surgery. What? Oh, I guess the doctor hasn't told you yet..."

And now that I've shown my complete lack of knowledge about medical insurance, its time for me to get back to work (the phone is ringing...)